I ran a 5 k today, which made me a little late to work. It is beautiful right now in Miami, unusually cool, in the low 70’s. I ran in a park near the water, a 1k loop 5 times.
I had a goal in my head of sub 21 minutes. When I finished my first loop it looked like I would be off by a few seconds.
I finished at 21:45, which is still a decent 5 k time and a PR for me. Usually PR’s make me feel all good and happy. But today I felt disappointed, like a I had a lackluster showing.
I had stopped competing with myself, a worthy opponent who I can continually beat if I put in the time and am committed to being healthy. I started competing with others around me, with ideas of where I should be rather than where I am.
These ideas, these judgments and comparisons are what really defeat me (and I would venture many people) on the path to a healthy lifestyle, be it emotionally or physically. It can also impact my work for social justice, the frustrations of where the movement is, where it should be, the possibilities not realized.
A winning focus is where am I right now. Starting from there I can look at where do I want to go, and how do I get there. This is different from wishing I was somewhere else right now, and being pissed that I am not.
So for today’s PR I am thankful that I got out of bed and put my sneakers on and enjoyed the beautiful weather, and pushed myself to my limits, so I know where they are and how to move them. I am thankful that could get up and do that run. I am thankful that I am improving and that my dedication to physical and emotional health (through diet and exercise) is demonstrated not only in the number on my watch but also in my ability to appreciate where I am.